rainx-

2005-10-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

天天都需要你腳踏實地我的心思由你猜
I Love You 我就是要你讓我每天都精彩
天天把它掛嘴邊到底什么是真愛
I Love You 到底有幾分說得比想像更快
是我們感情豐富太慷慨還是上天安排
是我們本來就是那一還是舍不得太乖
是那一次約定了沒有來讓我哭得像小孩
是我們急著證明我存在還是不愛會發呆
Baby 不得不愛否則快樂從可而來
不得不愛不知快樂從何而來
不得不愛放下悲傷從何而來
不得不愛否則我就失去未來
好象什么都過得很失敗但是生活一樣過的精彩
天天都需要你愛我的心只有你在
I Love You 我就是要你讓我每天都精彩
天天把他掛嘴邊什么是真愛
I Love You 到底要幾分鐘比小心更快
會不會有一點無奈會不會有一點太快
可是你給我的愛讓我養成了依賴
心中充滿愛的節拍天天都需要你愛
我的心隨有你在
I Love You 我就是要你讓我每天都精彩

2005-10-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

From a guy's point of view:

Have you ever missed someone and felt terrible because you think tat she doesn't miss you?

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. You will be sitting around wondering if you meant anything to her. Thinking if she ever cares about you.

Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's her. Looking out of the window hoping that she will surprise you by appearing downstairs. Sitting in front of the television but thinking of her missing the final episode of your favourite show. Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time you went out together. Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future. Logging on to the internet hoping to see her online. When you realise that she isn't online and did not return your sms, you will start worrying if she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up I guess. It exposes you to loneliness. It teaches you how to cope with being lonely and let you know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. You know that you really care and you indulge in the feeling of loving and caring for her. But missing someone and not knowing if she is feeling the same is terrible. You feel as if you are being left alone.

So if you miss someone, tell him and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss you. Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid. If you are the one being missed and you know it, let the other party know. If you miss him too, tell him. Don't let him wait.

*I'll be missing you very soon...

2005-10-12T01:19:00.000-07:00

Almost 2 years and our life together, our love has persisted and overcome all obstacles. Both of us have weathered our joint and individual crisis until now when the true test of love and partnership is to be made.

I still gaze into your eyes and touch your soul as you do mine. I still thrill to your touch and the tender caress that is now infrequent. The confusion of being is cleared when our hearts open to receive each other's love and when our tenderness toward each other arouses our physical being. Our spirits are now divided and yet merge in the cosmos and both of us still feel what the union of lion and scorpion can be, the intensity and fulfillment of life's dreams.

The time is now; the choice of love is ours. Look deep within your heart to find the answer. I have long waited for your embrace once again and the clouds to clear from the heaven of your soul and let the stars shine once again upon us.

2005-10-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

Finally you know how I feel in the past. Time for family, friends and you. Time for everything. I don't ask for more. I can be the most evil guy in the world; everyone hates me. I can also be the nicest guy in the world, but get nothing in return.

You want to be with your friends, cousins, maple and everyone else... go on. Just go on. Clearing leave and off, I rather stay in camp. Why I work so hard finally to ORD, and shit happens to me. Life is so unfair. Life is so so unfair. Really... this 2yrs in army has wasted my youth my life. Why did I have to be back in Singapore. Why must I go back to Brighton? Why must I go church camp? Why and why.. so many. People say things don't just happen for a reason. I believe... but for the oppsite reasons.

I like words straight from the heart. You hate me, you say it! You love me, you proof it! I hate playing guessing games anymore. You want me to eat, tell me to eat. You want me to shit, ask me to. Don't go around the bush and in the end I don't get a single meaning out it. Maybe frustrations and anger is what I get.

Somewhat I'm like depress everyday. I don't want this. I want to be happy. I really want to be happy. I want to smile everyday and see the sun shine from above. I want to see the stars guide me through the night. All I really want is your love. I lost you once and found you back. Now I lost you again and I got myself lost too. When can I recover? Can someone help me? Can someone help me to regain my old self. The happy, playful and the one who is full of life? I really want to be like this. How can I return to the old Brighton days? Where life was so happy. Meet friends, eat and drink. Play and laugh together. When can I go back to the Secondary school days? Puppy loves and all... How? I so missed those days. I've lost touch to everything. My life once destroyed by myself is now spoiled. And yes, really I'm not kidding! Its spoiled by stupid reasons. I don't know how to save myself. Each and everyday seems so cold and dark. I show my friends my happy face but deep down, its so weak and unprotected. I'm so in need of care and conern from not all but only one.

I'm waiting, but in the process I feel nothing. Maybe its there, but I don't think its there. Someone please save me quick. I feel like I'm dying soon. My life so boring so blank. So nothing to do. So lonely is the word. Ask me not to think. But my mind works differently. All it wants to think is her. Fuck the brain! Will you please be considerate! Mind oh mind, could you please think of me. Please not let me suffer anymore. Everyone is suffering because of mind games. Please give peace to everyone. Please...

2005-10-06T14:41:00.000-07:00

xxhimxx: I don't feel the closeness anymore.
xxherxx: Its over long ago.

*heart was stab*

I don't feel like you're trying at all. I keep telling myself, you don't give me the feeling, then why I keep on persisting? I don't understand myself! I keep telling myself I can survive without you. But fuck! Fuck me! Your image, the feeling you gave me in the past keeps on hunting me! It hunts me every night in my dreams! I cannot take it anymore! You get it? You get it?. Does it haunt you like it haunts me?
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2005-10-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

Its raining heavily outside. I stand in the rain and I asked God, "why things happen to me. Why..." He didn't answer me.

For the last few post, was happy. You said you love me. You wanted to be with me but..

I don't feeling like doing my project neither do I feel like studying for my upcoming exams. I already plan to fail anyway. Once again, my feelings got hit unconsciously. There are so many mysteries in life we simply cannot solve. Life is never ending. You never know who will what, when they will, how they did it or how come it happen. They just happen and some just without a valid reason.

I used to love her. And I still do. Even at the point where she was with another guy. It hurts. Seriously it hurts. No one did this to me before. Yes, and I finally had the first experience of it. It was obviously not a nice feeling. It was like needles piercing through the heart. But I still love her. She gave me special feeling no other girl had. Her scent so strong it covers every other. In the end, I still don't understand her. I guess I will never know even if I die.

I guess our relationship has come to a point where we no longer can be together. Fate put us together and took us apart. I accept my fate and I'll not cry over it. There will always be a rainbow in the end. And I hope this rainbow will create a new chapter of my life. Life still have to go on. It just a matter of fact how I'm going to lead this new life of mine. If I'm ever going to find another heart, history will never repeat again. I promise whoever she might be. I will never ever repeat history again. And I swear I will protect her with my life. I swear I won't make her cry. Nothing is forever but I still want to tell her I will try my very best to make it forever.

To you:
Thank you for the love we once had together. It was a great time with you. You showed me what love was. You told me what love should be. Although you're my second, to be exact, I consider it my first. Yours was serious. Yours was love. Yours was something she didn't give me. You caught my eye when I first saw you. You shot an arrow so deep, it pierced through my heart. Now I'm just hurting myself, hurting you. I've got no choice. I'm sorry for this decision. I don't want it either. I hate myself for not understanding you. But I really just don't. It was really fate that I met you. And another fate that I'm leaving you. I will always remember that there is once a girl in my life that touch my heart, and it was you. You show me so many more. I'm not writing this so you can be sad. And I'm not writing this so that I could touch your heart and make your come back today. But I just want to confess, I love you and you're really special. Thank You. Do not regret. I guess you won't. You asked me to find another girl. You never show me how to wait. Neither did you teach me how to wait. You can't show love. You can't show care and concern. Not even as a friend. You say I don't understand you. Yes, I don't understand you. I'm letting go finally. Finally I'm letting go. I'm sorry. I'm left with no choice, but to give up. I hope I'm not regretting.

And yes. I agree to what Lynn blogged. "Humans learn things the hard way." So do I.

Maplestory: And it is also fate that I cannot travel back to Ellinia. Balrog killed me 2 times while I was travelling. It didn't want me to leave that sad place? So weird. I wonder why.

Am I okay?
I feel horrible. I'm speachless...

2005-10-05T04:30:00.000-07:00

Extract from Hui Jiao's blog.

WHAT A GIRL TELLS A GUY:
If you see me walking the road with someone else, it's not because I like his company. It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me. If you hear me talking about him all the time, it's not because he pleases me. It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat. If you feel me falling with someone new, it's not because I love him. It's because you were not there to catch me fall. If you feel lost, I too am nowhere. I too don't know where the road is going. Are we going to cross each other's path? Or just completely turn around? Will we just let go of what we had? Or go to the place where love is bound? Don't let me walk with him; it's you I want to walk with. Don't let me talk of him; it's you I want to talk with. Don't let me fall for him; it's you I want to fall in love with.

HOW THE GUY REPLIES:
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you, I was behind you every step of the way, still filled with awe because of the beauty, that stands before me. When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat. I didn't want to assume anything, and I was afraid to lose our friendship when you thought I wasn't there to catch you. It was because you never gave me the chance. You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch. If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost. I too don't know where the road is going. Are we just going to turn around? Or Are we going to cross each other's path? Will we just let go of what we had? Or go to the place where love is bound? Don't let me walk alone; I want to walk by your side. Don't let me talk of something else; it's you I want to talk with. Don't let me fall for someone else; it's you I want to fall in love with.

2005-10-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

I feel very disturbed at this point of my life. I feel as if God is toying with my life right now. I got depressed and show her attitude yesterday. I still said sorry. >.< I did so many things yet all remains the same. Sometimes really felt like giving up all things. I just don't understand why. I love you and you love me, yet we can't be together. I thought that the power of love overwrites everything else above it. So many thoughts, so little words.

Went to meet Robinhood yesterday. Cycle to Punggol kopitiam and drank milk tea with ice. Just some causual talk on maplestory, the past army, and life. Later went home to continue mapling till 5am. Since the time we broke off and she had her cousin to accompany her mapling, I wanted to quit mapling. But at least now got Robinhood, ddjjoel and eNniie to play with me, won't be so lonely afterall. Robinhood, I will be waiting for you to be level 30. *Jia You!

Went to get her a bouquet of flowers...

2005-10-01T03:59:00.000-07:00

Her house @ Mignight 301205*

Went to get her a bouquet of flowers... 5 blue and the rest are different colours. A total of 11 roses. Wanted to be romantic but she saw the flowers even before I pass it to her. Got her fish ball noodle for supper too. She was lonely that night so I accompany her whole night. (Accompany her by watching her play maple, heh! Sianz) But in the end we did talk abit. Yeah she cried and I lend her my shoulders as usual.

Well, sometimes she gives me a very special feeling. Words cannot explain but its just there. And it was our 24 months anniversary if we were still together. Haiz.. Anyway, seriously quite enjoy the day. Lend her shoulders she needed. Hugged her too… Trying to make her comfortable. Abit funny.. also not sure what I’m writing. Well, I’m happy if you’re happy.

Getting better...

2005-09-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

Nothing really special happened today. Had Punggol nasi lemak for dinner with family. I even add rice, which was not really me! I guess my appetite is catching up soon. *smiles. And when is Joel going to tell me I can go work? I'm getting bored and lazy at home. Slack and slack... I'm getting sick of this routine.

Missed her a little, but that will do. Not too much and not too little! *winks.

Serangoon Gardens...

2005-09-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

I decided to leave her alone. She wants me to give her time, so I'll jut let her be. (end of story to that. till then...)

Went to Serangoon Gardens around early noon with Roundfart and his friend, Daphane. Its the 3rd time we met and Daphane is alright. The way she speaks reminds me of someone but I can't quite remember. Ahaha.. Anyway left around early evening to get mom and lil' bro dinner.

Later that night, Frosty called and so Roundfart and me went down to Serangoon Gardens again for dinner. I had a plate of fried carrot cake. Wasn't that bad since I was really that hungry. Keke.. Frosty had satay beehoon. Err... I hate that smell. Seriously I don't like the look of that food. Makes me wanna vomit. Voolaa.. Oh yah, and that Roundfart had chicken chop when he is broke! Can someone slap him for me...! Lolx.

And after dinner we had a walk then back to the car. While Frosty reverse his car, he hit a gate. Oh my god! There was a dent at the back. (the size of a fist) And a few small scratches are unavoidable. He suddenly became sad and feeling down. New car mah, I'll be sad if my car was new too. So he came to my house and well he washed his car. Like mad dog, keep washing the same places. Bo pian lah, we are car lovers! *me sayang Frosty!

We took photos after that. Quite a fun day I guess. Hope she is doing fine too.